GREIF The Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief,

 

The Kübler-Ross model,
or the five 5 stages of grief,

 

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:^[4]

1.   Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.

2.   Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".

3.   Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.

4.   Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.

5.   Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.

Kübler-Ross later expanded her model to include any form of personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, and even minor losses.

Both sufferers and therapists have reported the usefulness of the Kübler-Ross Model in a wide variety of situations^{[citation needed]}. The subsections below give a few specific examples of how the model can be applied in different situations:

Examples of applications of the Five Stage Model to various situations[edit]

Children grieving in divorce[edit]

Denial: Children feel the need to believe that their parents will get back together, or will change their mind about the divorce. Example: "Mom and Dad will stay together."

Anger: Children feel the need to blame someone for their sadness and loss. Example: "I hate Mom for leaving us."

Bargaining: In this stage, children feel as if they have some say in the situation if they bring a bargain to the table. This helps them keep focused on the positive that the situation might change, and less focused on the negative, the sadness they'll experience after the divorce. Example: "If I do all of my chores or maybe if I do everything I'm supposed to, then he won't leave."

Depression: This involves the child experiencing sadness when they know there is nothing else to be done, and they realize they cannot stop the divorce. The parents need to let the child experience this process of grieving because if they do not, it only shows their inability to cope with the situation. Example: "I'm sorry that I cannot fix this situation for you."

Acceptance: This does not necessarily mean that the child will be completely happy again. The acceptance is just moving past the depression and starting to accept the divorce. The sooner the parents start to move on from the situation, the sooner the children can begin to accept the reality of it.^[5]

Grieving a lost amorous relationship[edit]

Denial: The person left behind is unable to admit that the relationship is over. He/she may continue to seek the former partner's attention.

Anger: The partner left behind may blame the departing partner, or him/herself.

Bargaining: The partner left behind may plead with a departing partner that the stimulus that provoked the breakup shall not be repeated. Example: "I can change. Please give me a chance." Alternatively, he/she may attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.

Depression: The partner left behind might feel discouraged that his or her bargaining plea did not convince the former partner to stay.

Acceptance: Lastly, the partner abandons all efforts toward renewal of the relationship.

Grieving in substance abuse[edit]

Denial: People feel that they do not have a problem concerning alcohol or other substances. Even if they do feel as if they might have a small problem they believe that they have complete control over the situation and can stop drinking or doing drugs whenever they want. Example: "I don't have to drink all of the time. I can stop whenever I want."

Anger: The anger stage of abusers relates to how they get upset because they have an addiction or are angry that they can no longer use drugs. Some of these examples include "I don't want to have this addiction anymore." "This isn't fair, I'm too young to have this problem."

Bargaining: This is the stage that drug and alcohol abusers go through when they are trying to convince themselves or someone else that they are going to stop abusing in order to get something out of it or get themselves out of trouble (or to justify continuing their use of drugs and/or alcohol). Example: "God, I promise I'll never use again if you just get me out of trouble." "...If you let me stay here, I will never do drugs/alcohol again."

Depression: Sadness and hopelessness are important parts of the depression stage when drug abusers are faced with the reality of living a life without their substance of choice. Most abusers experience this when they are going through the withdrawal stage quitting their addiction.

Acceptance: With substance abusers, admitting the existence of a problem is different from accepting the problem. When a substance abuser admits that he/she has a problem, this is more likely to occur in the bargaining stage. Accepting that he/she has a problem is when you realise that you have a problem and start the process to resolve the issue.^[6]

 

Phenomena

Ebb and Flow and Come and Go  

as centuries of sometime time lines pass,

I meet Monks with Exotic Spiritual Names,

having honest to God ancient mystical

incarnation lineages that never died - as

I deeply soak into kind, loving eye contact

with a smiling little nut brown forest dweller

who's been truly happy almost for ever --

that's the Way in some far Pacifica place

they're ashram home-made in a gracious,

soft silent flurry of a hurry, as they scurry

like a house full of indigenous Aunties.
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